The Dishwasher
So, last week, the dishwasher ran for eleven hours straight. Proto-Mechanic senses told me something was wrong. But before I could get my mitts wet, the dishwasher acted all normal and what not. Until it stopped draining. I got the thing drained by shaking the outlet hose like a porn-star-in-training, then ran some CLR through the dishwasher which ran for three straight hours. Again, I had an inkling that the timer might be out.
But, my father, Big Dave and the Half Nelsons, replaced his DW three years ago and stored his old one at the warehouse. He told me I could have that one. Sweet.
I figure... now let's just make it clear here that I am, that I recognize that I am, and that I will always be an idiot who will never learn... an hour an a half and I am set to start cleaning the house for all the visitations this weekend.
First day of vacation, I slept in until nine. This proved to be a good idea.
So, to remove the old dishwasher, I figure it will just pop out of there. Take out the mounting screws and, um, yeah, it moves all of three inches. It was at that moment that it occured to me that there was probably a water AND a power supply. Proto-mechanic learns quick.
A quck trip to the breaker box to flip the breaker marked "Dishwasher" and "Dryer" and "Hot Water Heater" just to cover my bases. I then remove the lower cover to see a brass fitting and electrical box, the first on the left, the second on the right. I don't know much about brass fittings, but rumor has it they are a pain in the ass... Pol Pot, for those of you who regularly read. I decide to go the easy route and just take the water-inlet-thingy off and work the brass fitting later. Easy-Peasy.
On to the electrical box. Remove the cover, seperate the wires and got to unhook the ground wire and what is that I feel on my hand?
A unsettling thrum of electricity.
What is that sound?
Me screaming like a girl.
So I get the test light and sho' nuff we have live wires. Apparently the guy who added on to this house back in 1984 was a sadist. "No need for the breaker marked 'dishwasher' to actullay turn the power off to the actual dishwasher. Surprise!"
So I flip all unessential breakers.
Here's the foreshadowing: the test light reads no power.
So, I unhook the ground wire.
What is that I hear?
1) a loud bang
2) me screaming like a girl
What is that I see?
Bright spark.
What is that I yell?
(deleted due to its uncouth manner)
I curse repeatedly and turn the power off to the whole damn house, but I get the power chord off, get the old dishwasher out, remove the drain hose and get the brass fitting off the old water-thingy. Proto-mechanic skills tell me that it is gonna be a serious ass pain to put back on. More foreshadowing kids.
New dishwasher is too tall. Adjustable feet. Awesome. Seven adjustments and seven dishwasher configurations too tall and I remove the damn feet. She slides right in there.
Back to the power chords. The wall wires are solid wires, the DW wired are the type that fray. This makes splicing them harder, but I get 'em spliced and covered in electrical tape. Turn the power on, put the DW to on...
nothing.
Turn off power to the house, resplice the wires. Turn power back on, DW motor kickes on. Sweet. I then go to tuck the wires into the metal box and close it up and...
What is that I see?
A big blue spark.
What is that I hear?
1) Loud pop (and a nice burn mark on the metal)
2)My screaming like a girl.
3) A blue streak of swearing and cursing the gods of electricity, home ownership and dishwashers in general.
Power down. The wires popped through the electrical tape. Retape and use some plastic caps. Re-power up, and the motor kicks in. Swell. Close the box and we are good.
On to the brass fitting. Pol "M_____R F______G" Pot! Lucky I had some plumbers tape. Unlucky for me, I can never figure out how to put that shit on correctly. FORESHADOWING!
First off, there is a big end and a small end. The small end can go in either the outlet or inlet, but if you put it in the outlet, the other end is too big for the inlet. Ask me how I know this? Go on, ask me dammit.
I swap it out and redo the plumber's tape, and after ten minutes of the inlet fitting just touching the connctor but not catching (more foreshadowing), it finally goes on. I tighten it down snuggly, but not all the way because Proto-Mechanic has insane torque skills and he always fears snapping bolts. Turn on the water supply...
Water SPRAYS all over the place. Tighten that sucker down by using a wrench with 1/4 inch clearence with a 1/16 inch ROM. Turn on the water supply...
No spray, but a leak. Damn.
Undo the brass fittings, redo the tape and then begin the arduous process of fitting the brass things together.
Over the next thirty minutes, I slowly lose my grip on reality. As proof of this, I say to Gage (who is flipping breakers and turning on water supplies at my behest) no less then fifteen times:
"I just don't understand it! They are touching, but the thing won't CATCH!"
Literally thirty minutes later, it catches. The 1/16 ROM and another five minutes, turn on the water supply and...
No spray, no leaks. Awesome.
Turn on the power and water does not seem to be going into the machine.
Son of a BITCH!
I screw around for another fifteen minutes, then, having done nothing, turn the machine on again, 'cause why not? Seems I did not give the machine time to actually push water into the machine.
So, dishwasher is installed and it only took five hours, I only got an electric shock three times, and I only sort of lost my temper.
Proto, out!
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