The Further Adventures of Proto-Mechanic

The Place: Valdosta
The Vehicle: 1989 Cutlass Cierra
The Job: Automatic Belt Tensioner Assembly
Assumed time: 3 hours

So, we get to Valdoata about 5 o'clock. Sure enough, the belt tensioner is shot. I quickly remove the pulley and notice that there is a single bolt running through the actual tensioner. I think, "I get me a Torx head bit and this here is a cinch."

New Assumed time: 35 minutes.

Advanced Auto on Ashley does not have the part, but they do pull up a picture. There seems to be a suspiciously large bracket attached to the tensioner. That does not bode well. Head off to the AutoZone... duna-dunta-dun-ta...AutoZone. They have the tensioner and sure enough there is a bracket with six holes for bolts. Awesome.

Back at the car, I cannot break the bolts off. I have a breaker bar, but the only 13mm socket I have is a 1/4. I have no adapter to go 1/2 to 1/4. Also, the bracket appears to have three of its bolts hidden behind the power steering pulley. A quick call to Master of Sport Mechanic and All-Round-Great-Guy, My Personal Mechanicing Lifeline Terry. Seems you have to pull one of these suckers off with a "Power Steering Pulley Puller." To Advanced Auto we go. No such luck, they are out. Back we go to AutoZone...duna-dunta-dun-ta... Autozone. I get a small set of mm sockets (13mm-18mm: $9.99) and rent the puller.

Back at the car the puller will not fit. The puller bolt is 4 inches long, my clearance is 3 inches. What to do? Call Master of Sport Mechanic and All-Round-Great-Guy, My Personal Mechanicing Lifeline Terry. He says "the bolts have to come out somehow, they cannot expect you to break down the engine to remove the tensioner. " I stumble upon the somehow: the pulley has holes in it you can place a deepwell socket into. Good news. Bad news is these bolts are 10mm and I have no 10mm deepwell socket.

Back we head to Autozone... duna-dunta-dun-ta... Autozone to return the puller and get a small set of mm sockets (8mm-13mm: free because they would not listen to what I was telling them).

On the way back to the car I tell the wife and boy that I got a bad feeling about the last bolt, the underbolt, the one out of the way. "It's gonna be a F_____," I tell them.

Back at the car, One, Two big bolts come out easy, Three is easy. The Pulley bolts are next: Top one comes out. Kind of a pain because you have to use the deepwell until the space to work is too small then you go back to regular socket, THEN you twist it out with your fingers, hoping you do not drop it while you squeeze it aginst the pulley and spin the pulley to retrieve the bolt where you have it squeezzed against the pulley. Middle bolt begins to break AND all the antifreeze in the block come a'pourin' out. I figure as long as I do not see oil, we are okay. It's just antifreeze we are spilling all over this church's parking lot. Bottom bolt proves Proto-Mechanic to be a psychic. It indeed is a F______. And it will prove to be a F_____ again in a few minutes. But, after a struggle with the F_____ bolt, the plate is off and the engine is devoid of antifreeze.

A note: the suspiciously large bracket/plate attached to the belt tensioner also acts as a bracket for the power steering pump. Awesome. So while you put the bracket back on, you have to hold the power steering pump up in order to get the bolts in there.

The big three bolts go back on easily, the Pulley bolts are a bit harder, but once the Top one is in, the Middle goes in easily. Of course, that leaves up with the Bottom bolt, you remember, the F_____ bolt. I come up with an ingenious plan to hold the bolt in the socket using 1) a piece of paper and 2) my ingenuity, and then get the F______ bolt in by 1) encouragement from Master of Sport Mechanic and All-Round-Great Guy, My Personal Mechanicing Lifeline Terry who says that "you just fiddle with it until it kind of pops in there" and 2) fiddling with it until it just popped in there. After three minutes of actual bolt tightening and twenty minutes of phantom bolt tightening ("I'm on something. I think. But it ain't tightening. Wait. That's absolutely nothing. I don't understand that S___!) the Belt tensioner bracket that bolts the Belt Tensioner and the Power Steering Pump to the block and holds in all the antifreeze is attached. Logan routes the belt three times wrong, fouth time charmingly and we are set for a test.

Car starts and nothing is leaking. Power steering is squeeling but MOSMaARGG,MPML Terry says he needs a new belt and the sound might just go away, but get the belt anyway. We eat at subway and Logan makes his way home. We drive another hour and fifteen to the house. Another Do-It-Yourself mechanicing job stumbled through. Though this time, I kept my temper pretty well.

Total Actual time: 4 hours with trips.